An "ordinary" view from a park right outside of Denver...buffalo included.
Thank you Meg & Courtney for posting the writing challenges of the month. This month's word is "ordinary" and it suites the way I have been feeling.
I know I've included some of these thoughts in previous posts but this season has been riddled with change, adjustment, insecurity & growth. What I am really wrestling with is contentment amidst ordinary life. I often feel trapped when I look at my day and feel I have have accomplished 'nothing' or when I look at tomorrow and the only things on my list are errands, making meals, changing diapers and cleaning the kitchen for the hundredth time (and I hate cleaning so you can imagine how much that excites me). Those previous statements...those previous and current thoughts & feelings..that's where the problem lies.
Why am I having such a hard time finding joy in the little things? Why am I struggling to find joy when I am surrounded by excessive blessing? Maybe it's because I am terrified of being "ordinary." Were you ever encouraged as a child that you could grow up to "be anything?" I grew up in an extremely supportive environment so believing those statements came easily. What I am finding out now is that somehow that belief took root and has now turned it into an impossible ideal that I can never live up to. God is really shining the spotlight at those dark places in my heart where I've erected the idol of success and have been disciplining my life to serve it's insatiable hunger.
I have always needed to have lofty goals to attain and impossible standards to live up to. Beyond it being an easy tendency for my type A personality, that pursuit to be extraordinary has become my very identity. I want to...no I need to be the best. The most exhausting part is that definition of "best" shifts and changes at different times to different things but every time 'best' eludes me and leaves me with the constant shadow of failure.
Being Lincoln's mom has forced me into a new frame of reference. I can strive to be the best mom but that metric of excellence is perfectly individualized. There is no "best" mom (or dad) because every mom is completely unique and equipped with one of a kind traits, talents & opportunities to shape the gifts that God has wonderfully wrapped up as their kids. I may have gained this revelation but it's much harder to believe it when another completely ordinary day comes and goes...
Ordinary is where I get to enjoy precious moments with my family that I would otherwise brush past. Ordinary is where God is shaping me. Ordinary is where I am coming face to face with the parts of me God wants to undo to make me look more like him. Ordinary is where He's reminding me of his extravagant love that has nothing to do with what I do or don't do.
Lincoln - 9.5 months
You are dancing again. When you first started it was pretty constant and then you stopped dancing for several weeks. Now you've got boogy fever and here's a video to prove it.
You JUST started waving the other day. I love it because your hand is limp but your arm is stiff and you just wave it up and down. I will have to get it on video because you will surely learn a different style of waving (or make an *interesting first impression as you get older)
You are starting to mimic us more quickly. Whenever you mimic a face (for instance, the squishy nose is making a comeback as well) you laugh and laugh because you think you're so funny (and we think so too)
You are loving to eat finger foods of any kind. You are hilarious when you eat a food you love though because just like daddy you stuff your cheeks full. I mean FULL! You keep pushing it in until it's almost spilling out so we have to watch you closely so you don't choke. Most surprisingly, you love mushrooms. It's now official that you like more vegetables than your mom and dad but we won't tell you that until you're an adult and pray that you'll keep that great habit up!
At the end of dinner, this is how I found you. You were so sleepy you didn't even wake up when I put you in your crib.
Impressive sippy cup action!
You are standing by yourself without being supported by anything. I see walking on the horizon
You understand "give me..." and will "share" your food or toys with us when we ask. You expect it back right away of course :)
You are a social bug and are making new friends every day. It's funny watch you "play" because it's less about them and more about the toys they have. You'll get there!
Playdate with Olive in Texas!
Lunch with the guys...
Caroline came over and gave you a kiss. You still aren't sure what those are. Headbutting is still how you show affection.
I love getting to see your personality and every day I can see you learning and connecting the dots. It's astonishing and getting more and more fun every day.
Watching Diego with papi when he was sick. Those few days were the first time he sat still for more than 2 minutes
I can't believe that 2013 is already here. Truth be told, we are ready for it. 2012 was wonderful in many ways, especially because Lincoln hit the scene but it's also been a tough season. Riddled with change, transition and challenges, we are excited to see the dust settle in 2013. Joe & I spent New Year's eve reflecting upon last year and making our resolutions for this year. Here are mine
1. Really crack down on our budget (I'm going to try being diligent with couponing, we will see how that goes)
2. Work on being "content in all situations" and to count my blessings daily
3. Accept readily the lessons God's trying to teach me instead of dragging my heels
I was so grateful to get extra time with our little family. Although Joe was sick all week, it was so nice to all be together. Before Christmas week, we even got to have a short family photo session. Kaylee did an awesome job, especially in just 20 minutes with everyone being sick & windy & cold conditions! Here are some of my favorites!
Ok, here's Lincoln's update. It's overdue and he's learned SO much!
Lincoln's Update: 8.5 months
We now erect barricades across the room to baby proof any area of temptation. We also try to get you to want your toys instead of anything that's not a toy (which you are way more interested in...)
Oh yes, the remote is so yummy and way more fun than all your toys.
You started babbling a lot more in the past few weeks. You've been doing very clear "B's" and just started adding in some "G's"
Pulling up...are you ever pulling up! You first experimented with this new trick when you were refusing to nap (because you've been so excited to crawl around your crib). I walked into the room to see you standing tall but with a pretty scared look on your face. You soon mastered the art of pulling up and now use anything to achieve this feat. Bear is a pretty big motivation for moving and pulling up. He's running out of places to hide from you.
The love for Bear grows...
This is the first pull up..and you couldn't get yourself down
You LOVE to eat and puffs & mum-mums are the recent craving. I am pretty sure it's because you can feed yourself and you often start to babble and yell in shear joy. I can already see that you are independent and prefer to do things yourself. You often grab the spoon as I'm feeding you because you want to put it in your mouth (and the food is so fun to play with)
You are a good dinner companion and the mums helped you feel a part of the meal when we went out
FIRST CHRISTMAS! You had no clue that you should be excited but we still had fun celebrating the holiday with our family. You didn't even unwrap any gifts (because we didn't really get you any, your aunt, uncle & grandparents covered it). You loved seeing Santa and were fascinated with his outfit.
You're awesome powerwheels Harley from Uncle Beau & Aunt Michelle. Can you say "spoiled?"
The tree was a huge temptation for you...that was the part you probably like the best about your first Christmas.
You're learning about the birth of Jesus for the first time...
You really like play dates but I am starting to see that like all humans, you're heart is dark and you are already gravitating toward toys someone else is playing with and I'm sure learning to share will be a hard lesson.
You were starving for a play date over Christmas break....even trying to play with the kid on the box!
Caroline was teaching you how to say your words like her! You're becoming such a big boy!
Napping was more of a challenge this month. With your newfound mobility, everything is new and exciting, including your crib. You've been known to refuse to sleep (even after an hour in the nursery by yourself) and then conk out as soon as the car moves. I'm sure I've put a good chunk of miles on the car from those car naps.
You're heavy coat makes you look like an adorable marshmallow!
You got to spend some special time with Aunt Brea thanks to Nana & Grampy. Our Christmas travel plans got thwarted so she flew up for an express visit. In those short two days she even taught you a new trick. You will mimic opening and closing your mouth, which makes you look like a guppy!
You're starting to show affection. We are starting to see some open mouthed baby kisses but you also love to bump foreheads very gently, almost like a forehead kiss. You gave Brea a lot of those!
You really liked kissing that baby in the mirror!
You enjoy taking things in and out of containers and flipping pages.
We really saw your grow up this past month and see you transitioning from a baby to a little boy. It's fun to watch but also breaks my heart. I can see you learning and putting together the pieces when you learn something new. Amazing.
We were so thankful for some much needed family time!
