Hemerka Happenings: Ordinary.

An "ordinary" view from a park right outside of Denver...buffalo included.

Thank you Meg & Courtney for posting the writing challenges of the month. This month's word is "ordinary" and it suites the way I have been feeling.

I know I've included some of these thoughts in previous posts but this season has been riddled with change, adjustment, insecurity & growth. What I am really wrestling with is contentment amidst ordinary life. I often feel trapped when I look at my day and feel I have have accomplished 'nothing' or when I look at tomorrow and the only things on my list are errands, making meals, changing diapers and cleaning the kitchen for the hundredth time (and I hate cleaning so you can imagine how much that excites me). Those previous statements...those previous and current thoughts & feelings..that's where the problem lies.

Why am I having such a hard time finding joy in the little things? Why am I struggling to find joy when I am surrounded by excessive blessing? Maybe it's because I am terrified of being "ordinary." Were you ever encouraged as a child that you could grow up to "be anything?" I grew up in an extremely supportive environment so believing those statements came easily. What I am finding out now is that somehow that belief took root and has now turned it into an impossible ideal that I can never live up to. God is really shining the spotlight at those dark places in my heart where I've erected the idol of success and have been disciplining my life to serve it's insatiable hunger.

I have always needed to have lofty goals to attain and impossible standards to live up to. Beyond it being an easy tendency for my type A personality, that pursuit to be extraordinary has become my very identity. I want to...no I need to be the best. The most exhausting part is that definition of "best" shifts and changes at different times to different things but every time 'best' eludes me and leaves me with the constant shadow of failure.

Being Lincoln's mom has forced me into a new frame of reference. I can strive to be the best mom but that metric of excellence is perfectly individualized. There is no "best" mom (or dad) because every mom is completely unique and equipped with one of a kind traits, talents & opportunities to shape the gifts that God has wonderfully wrapped up as their kids. I may have gained this revelation but it's much harder to believe it when another completely ordinary day comes and goes...

Ordinary is where I get to enjoy precious moments with my family that I would otherwise brush past. Ordinary is where God is shaping me. Ordinary is where I am coming face to face with the parts of me God wants to undo to make me look more like him. Ordinary is where He's reminding me of his extravagant love that has nothing to do with what I do or don't do.

Lincoln - 9.5 months

You are dancing again. When you first started it was pretty constant and then you stopped dancing for several weeks. Now you've got boogy fever and here's a video to prove it.

You JUST started waving the other day. I love it because your hand is limp but your arm is stiff and you just wave it up and down. I will have to get it on video because you will surely learn a different style of waving (or make an *interesting first impression as you get older)
You are starting to mimic us more quickly. Whenever you mimic a face (for instance, the squishy nose is making a comeback as well) you laugh and laugh because you think you're so funny (and we think so too)

You are loving to eat finger foods of any kind. You are hilarious when you eat a food you love though because just like daddy you stuff your cheeks full. I mean FULL! You keep pushing it in until it's almost spilling out so we have to watch you closely so you don't choke. Most surprisingly, you love mushrooms. It's now official that you like more vegetables than your mom and dad but we won't tell you that until you're an adult and pray that you'll keep that great habit up!

At the end of dinner, this is how I found you. You were so sleepy you didn't even wake up when I put you in your crib.

Impressive sippy cup action!

You are standing by yourself without being supported by anything. I see walking on the horizon
You understand "give me..." and will "share" your food or toys with us when we ask. You expect it back right away of course :)
You are a social bug and are making new friends every day. It's funny watch you "play" because it's less about them and more about the toys they have. You'll get there!

Playdate with Olive in Texas!

Lunch with the guys...


Caroline came over and gave you a kiss. You still aren't sure what those are. Headbutting is still how you show affection.

I love getting to see your personality and every day I can see you learning and connecting the dots. It's astonishing and getting more and more fun every day.