Lincoln's life so far

I realize that I've been taking in all of the adorable things Lincoln does and not recording them.  I am caught between two worlds--not wanting Lincoln to get any bigger and wanting him to be a big boy that we can take to the zoo and talk to.  Regardless, I want to remember who he is now and what we've learned about him so far.

To Lincoln, with love...

Your entrance: April 15, 2012 at 8:19am. 8lbs, 20.5inch
 My due date was April 10th.  Thankfully I was trying to mentally prepare myself that he'd come late. Many mommies advised me that would be easier than hoping to meet him early.  My mom came into town on April 8th (Easter).  I didn't lead worship at church because we were worried Lincoln would arrive and I'd stand everyone up; instead it just looked like I'd eaten an enormous Easter egg!  Also, too many people were concerned that my water would break on stage, a scenario I desperately wanted to avoid and hoped people would stop talking about it :)

That whole week, I tried to walk that baby out.  We went to the strip district in Pittsburgh, the mall, nightly walks and nothing worked. By day four I was completely bored and unsure of how to pass the time.  My mom suggested a project!  That day we went to Michaels and picked up a wooden rocking horse that I decided to paint in his nursery colors. That night I was in a great mood as I painted the horse grey, white, yellow and navy. I was just starting the accent designs when my water broke!  Of course Lincoln, you would come when I was painting the rocking horse! (It's now June 30th and the rocking horse is still partially painted. You can tell I stopped in the middle of adding decorative circles.

We went to Magee Hospital at 10pm and they confirmed I was in labor.  I was in the labor suite by midnight and they began pitocin (because I wasn't really contracting before then). I had the epidural at 1:30am and you were born seven hours later.

You had a ton of light hair.  Not what we expected! We thought you'd have dark, curly hair like your dad for sure!  The doctor, Thomas Kremser, immediately commented on your adorable pudgy cheeks.  Your dad was the first the hold you. It was so special to see how enthralled he was by you, he couldn't take his eyes off you.  I was next to hold you and then Nana.

Week 1: Welcome home!
I don't think we slept.  You stayed in our room in a pack and play because we had to move a month and a half later.  I'd never heard your noises before you came home.  You had a hard time when you spit up.  You didn't know how to breathe through it yet or how not to exhale it.  In the hospital, you choked once and turned blue (thankfully the nurse was right there but I was crying I was so scared).  With that memory etched in my mind, I was terrified that you would do that on my watch.  Every time you made a sound, I was right there with that blue suction ball just in case.  I watched you sleep those first few nights, I was so nervous that something would happen. Watching you sleep meant I never did.  I'm not going to lie, that snuck up on me really quickly.

• Your days and nights were confused
• You held your head up as soon as we put you on your tummy.  We joked that you looked like a turtle without your shell (video below).  You hated tummy time then...and now

• You were glowing yellow...the doctors were watching you to see if you needed light therapy. We didn't realize how yellow you were til we looked back at the pictures.

• You met Grandpa, Abuelita & Tia Adrianne. Grandpa wouldn't let you go.

• You peed all over us every time we changed your diaper.  We weren't very quick in the beginning but had to learn so that we wouldn't get sprayed! 
• You had your hair spiked for the first time.  After that, it was the only hairstyle we could keep. We joked that your hair grew in points--a faux hawk and a rat tail (courtesy of your dad).  People always comment on your hair and we often get asked if we put product in it (we don't, it just stays naturally!)

• You weren't a big fan of the swaddle at night. You always broke your hands free. 
• You had to wear mittens because your nails were so long and you kept scratching yourself

Week 2: Settling in

• You went into "bull mode" when you were really hungry.  Your dad had to help me calm you down by applying a straight jacket swaddle
• Starting to slowly change days and nights...very slowly
• You made so many sounds in the night. Every night we joked that you turned into a dragon.
• Your "stump" as we affectionately called it (your umbilical cord) finally fell off. Thank God, it was getting pretty stinky!
• Your first photo shoots. You cried so much during your first one with a friend at home, not your best showing. Then at photo shoot 2, you peed on your dad and pooped on the blankets. That's what we get for keeping you naked

Week 3: Just the three of us
It was finally just us by week three (Lincoln = Mr. Popular)

• You were starting to understand days from nights
• You got to have your first bath and loved it. It was so cute to see you so relaxed

• You went on your first outing with Mommy and met the gang at North Way.
• The napper was your favorite place to sleep because it kept you at an angle

• Bear was wonderful around you from the start but you two were cuddle buddies by week three

•  You were eating really well and our favorite face was after you finished eating. You went into a "milk coma" and were sleeping so soundly

Week 4: One month old!

•  First smile (on purpose!!) We got your first one out with a lot of funny faces and then you gave them freely to daddy after that!

 

• You started to really like time on your kick mat where you can stomp on the piano.  At around four weeks we started to see so much more interaction.  

• You could track things with your eyes and were making a lot more eye contact
• You started to like the baby bjorn and I'd strap you on when you were fussy to calm you down
• First Mother's Day for me and you were dedicated at North Way Oakland by Doug Melder.  You did great at the service but gave mommy a hard time at home.

• Your dad loved to freak out mommy by putting you in superman pose and poking your head out around corners...silly daddy

Week 5: Daddy Graduates medical school!

• You met your great Tia Maria and saw Abuelita again 

• You attended your dad's medical school graduation 
• You cry now with real tears, talk about tearing out your parents hearts!
• You started putting more weight on your feet and liked to "walk" up people when they held you. 

Week 6: Moving week
You were amazing this week. It was crazy but you were well behaved and flexible to all of the change of scenery

• You met Aunt Brea & Pap-Pap 

 

• Our place was in shambles and then barren but you were awesome through it all (you did make your dragon sounds really loudly though...)

• We stayed with Sandy Weiss and she was an amazing hostess!

• You flew for the first time. You were an angel and slept the whole time.  You didn't know it but we moved you half way across the country from Pittsburgh to Denver. 

Week 7: You're a Denver boy now

• You slept in your crib and nursery for the first time and did great

• You started sleeping for longer stretches in the night
• You are loving bright colors, especially yellow
• You're amazed at things with eyes and make intense eye contact with them

 We hung a little bug toy on the top of your car seat and you just stared at that little bug. I loved it because I call you my little bug

• You (and Bear) started getting used to things at our new place

• You had to get used to lots of sunshine. Every time we took you into the sunshine you grimace and fall asleep (unless you have your shades on of course)

Week 8: Two months old

• You had to get your shots :( 
• You started getting very "handsy" when eating and exploring the world around you
• You are loving your reflection in mirrors. You seem pretty vain but really, you just think it's another baby to smile at.  
• You smile easily, especially in the mornings

• We haven't been able to dissuade you from sucking on your thumb...or fingers...or fist.  It wasn't with a valiant effort. We spent $20 on pacifiers to see if you'd find a favorite.  No such luck.

Week 9

• You met Joe's fellow residents and became a fast crowd pleaser.  We were so amazed at how flexible you were and how easy-going.
• You recognize your mommy and daddy. When daddy comes home from work he gets lots of big smiles. 
• You've discovered your voice and now I hear you just yell and coo just because you can!
• You have a period of grumpiness right before bedtime (which is usually around 7pm).  We call you Grumpelstiltskin 

Week 10: Getting bigger!

• We had to move you up to size two diapers
• We removed the newborn insert in your car seat
• You laughed for the first time!

 

• Your holding your head up pretty steadily
• You're beginning to understand how to grab. You're starting to have more control to reach out and grab a toy or my jewelry.  

Things I've learned from being a mommy...so far

Lincoln is eight weeks old today!  There’s a part of me that can’t believe he’s already so big and another part that is excited to see how he continues to unveil his personality as he grows up.  After two months of experience, I can say that being a parent is feeling more natural.  Can I let you in on a secret? The greatest lessons we’ve learned have been complete surprises to us!

I feel like when you get married, people like to share their marriage war stories. I remember so many people warning us about the ‘up all night fights’ and being annoyed about how towels are folded and a host of other tragedies that may be brought on by saying “I Do.”  I remember entering marriage with one eye squinted, looking out for these difficulties at every turn.  The thing I realized, however, is that no one shared with us how much fun marriage is!  I remember sharing with some friends after six months my surprise at what a blast it was to live with and love my best friend.

We may have gotten stiff warnings before marriage but we only got oos and awes before becoming parents.  Pregnancy was difficult for me. Not because of health concerns (thank the Lord) but because my identity and emotions were completely out of whack.  Poor Joe…I never realized what a strain it would put on him for me to be constantly blue or in need of another pep-talk.

We felt we were ready to become parents and on one hand we were. We built dreams together about what we wanted our family to be like and were ready to start to see that dream become reality.  Joe had to convince me to take the pregnancy test and was certain that it’d be positive. I, on the other hand, didn’t think it would and didn’t want to get my hopes up.  Joe prayed before we took that test. That’s still one of the most dear details of that day because we know now that Lincoln’s life has been covered in prayer since the very beginning.  Joe charged in the bathroom to check the test and when it was positive we both cried.

In the months that followed, our time was taken up with the looming residency decision.  The timing couldn’t be more perfect or challenging.  We would find out if we were moving and where only four weeks before Lincoln’s due date.  Denver was the place so after he was born, we had only six weeks to learn how to become parents and move across the country.  Therefore, I make this following list with a grain of salt, some of these revelations may have been enhanced because we were also packing up our home and starting over in a new place.

Lessons learned from being a mommy

1. The weeks leading up to your due date are strange.

I remember thinking ‘What will I do today? Get groceries? Clean the house? Have a baby?  Not knowing when your baby will arrive but wondering every second whether or not you’re in labor can take up a lot of mental space.  I was five days late.  Especially after my due date passed, I felt as though I couldn’t see or talk to anyone.  People get uncomfortable around you when they are afraid they might have to help deliver.  It’s ok to remove yourself from civilization for a little bit.  I had to get a craft to work on so that I wouldn’t go crazy in the waiting. Wouldn’t you know that in the middle of painting, Lincoln decided it was time to show up!

2. Modesty goes out the window when you deliver a baby. 

I have never been so vulnerable in front of Joe, my family or complete strangers (like hospital staff).  When you are focused on having a baby, learning to breastfeed and in recovery, you suddenly have a lot more to worry about than being completely covered up. Oh and you may also want to use the mirror during delivery.  Weird, I know but it’s a pretty incredible process and you may want to have the first peek at your baby.

3. Being a mommy (and daddy) is hard work

The first few days (in the hospital) were great (aside from feeling like a truck had driven out of me…but that’s a worthwhile part of it…).  A piece of advice: let the nurses take the baby to the nursery those first few nights so that you can get some sleep.  It was after a week of little to no sleep and constant worry that made me realize how much work it is to be a parent.  I had to write my mom a letter because I never thanked her for the endless hours spent attending to my every need before I was playing that part in Lincoln’s life.  I thought I knew exhausted around finals week in college but being a parent to a newborn takes exhaustion to a whole new level.

4. You may not like it at first…and that’s ok!

That statement may seem crazy and not all parents experience this…but you don’t have to feel guilty if you do.  There was a big part of both of us that wanted to go back to our pre-parent.  We both expected to have this huge, romanticized experience when we looked at him and brought him home as the newest Hemerka.  It was unnerving when we didn’t feel that way…it took us a long time to admit that to one another because we felt ashamed.  Dads have it worse too. At least a mommy as the chance to bond with the baby because you gave birth and may be his or her only source of food.  I did have amazing bonding moments when it was just me and Lincoln in the middle of the night and I marveled at how amazing he is—taking in his little features and feeling his heartbeat and watching him breathe, realizing he’s a living creation from our love.  Dads, on the other hand, sometimes only get the poop end of the stick…literally.  It seemed like Joe only got to experience the baby when he was crying.  Changing dirty diapers and being spit up on doesn’t exactly warm your heart the way you expect.  Plus, much of Joe’s excitement for having a son cannot be fully realized until he’s older. At this early stage, you don’t even get much interaction.  It’s easy to feel like all of your love and devotion is going into a black hole.  We didn’t realize before how many of the things we are excited to experience and teach Lincoln must wait because right now, he’s too little.

Sometimes a connection, even with your own kid, needs time to grow.  Not all people are baby people and sometimes that doesn’t change, even when it’s your own.  Right before having the baby, my mom shared with me that my dad ‘wasn’t really into us kids’ until we were older.  This really surprised me after knowing how involved, committed, loving and passionate my dad is about us.  I didn’t see how this was possible until we had Lincoln.  Both of us experienced a huge surge in love when he smiled at us on purpose for the first time.  Now, we spend 80% of our day doing everything we can to see him crack one smile and our heart swells every time it happens.  With each passing day, we are enjoying being parents more and more and continue to fall in love with him. I can only imagine how big our hearts will be as we watch him grow up.

One more thing, don’t be afraid to admit it.  When we finally admitted our struggles, a huge weight was lifted.  Not only that, but many of our friends who are also parents admitted feeling the same way.  In fact, I’ve been so surprised to learn how common it is and how nonchalantly we’ll converse about it.  It feels so good to know you’re not the only one and to receive encouragement from others who have been there. It’s like we’ve entered a secret “mommy & daddy” club where we are learning things about our friends we never knew before.

5. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Somehow becoming a mom made me feel like I had to know what I was doing.  Picture this: God grows a child inside of you, you push it out and then expect to know what to do with it?  I did.  I felt defeated when I couldn’t change his diaper fast enough, open his stroller, or soothe his crying.  First of all, baby equipment is CRAZY.  Each piece is different, the manuals are confusing and its awkward to use, especially when the first chance you get to practice is with a teeny tiny baby who may or may not be screaming at the time.  It’s ok to not know what you’re doing, in the beginning the baby doesn’t even know how to be a human.  I am still working through this one. I find I worry when he’s too content or not content.  I still second guess my decisions and whether or not I am feeding or caring for him right but the pressure is lessening with time.  I’m trying to laugh more and worry less.

6. Bodily functions become common conversation pieces.

7. Idiots have babies…so don’t worry that you’re a bad mom.

There can be a lot of judgement when you take on the role of mommy. You can find a dissenting opinion to every decision you make.  Books upon books are available that will tell you that you must do this or that and that if you don’t, you’re a bad mom.  Take the phrase “bad mom” out of your vocabulary.  Are you loving and caring for your baby to the best of your ability? Answered yes? Then you’re the perfect mom for your child. In fact, God has given you the unique ability to be the BEST mom to the baby He’s entrusted to you.  You’ll impact his or her personality, decisions and future.  When Lincoln was three weeks old he hit a growth spurt and wanted to eat every hour.  I was exhausted and he was crying because he wasn’t getting enough.  Forumla supplementation was the best option but I felt like that meant that I failed, that I couldn’t provide for him.  Joe reminded me that if I was keeping his needs in mind and meeting them, that I was the best mom.  After we started supplementing with formula, he was less fussing and slept longer.  Honestly, it helped me keep my stress down as well! That’s just one small example to show that if you know your baby and if you’re keeping his or her best interests in mind that your decisions are the right decisions for your baby.    If you’re stress free as the mommy then your baby will be happier.  Do what you need to keep your sanity!

8. It keeps getting better…
It's amazing to watch him grow and develop. I love seeing his personality bloom right before my eyes. Here's a video of him learning how to use his arms and legs while discovering his handsome reflection.